Futile

Futile.

The futility.

Of keeping a fire blazing.

After the coals have cooled.

Futile.

The futility.

Of fighting the ocean.

Against every breaking wave.

Futile.

The futility.

Of creating and perpetuating lies.

The lies you tell yourself.

Futile.

The futility.

Of running the race.

After it is over.

The utter utter futility of it all.

Why am I doing this to me?

Why, after I know the truth.

The plain and simple truth.

Do I keep up the fight.

The fight against futility.

Honesty.

Where does that come into play?

Honestly.

When do I begin to believe my own lies.

The lies I tell myself.

In order to undertake.

The most futile.

Of exercises.

Futile.

The futility.

Of writing this.

Of understanding.

And knowing.

Not deep down.

But knowing.

On the surface.

That nothing will change.

Honestly.

Iโ€™m finally being honest.

At least.

I am Timi